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Ten cars that just… vanished

Gone, most definitely forgotten.

The TV remote. That one sock. Your keys. All these things are capable of vanishing. Seemingly taken from the very fabric of the earth without warning or reason. In most cases though, those things make an appearance again. You’ll find the TV remote in the dog. That one sock will be rediscovered when you move house. Your keys? They’ll be in the fridge. Obviously.

Cars are also capable of vanishing. Unlike your Pedigree Chum and dog bile-covered TV remote, however, they don’t reappear. Yes, we can get all misty-eyed when we see a bona fide classic car, but what about the non-classics? Where do they go? Well, according to our list, they simply vanish, never to be seen again.

Here are ten ‘wait, where DID they all go?’ cars.

The Ford Sierra…

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No, not the Cosworth. Gary and his mates still have those in their masses. Normally seen going WAAAAHTHUSHTHUSHTHUSH at Ford Fair or some bollocks. No, we’re talking about a normal, hum-drum Sierra. They used to be everywhere, but now they’re all but extinct. Everyone had a Sierra. Hell, we had a Sierra (1.8LX boyeee). They were the most generic car in the world a few years ago. But now they’re all gone. Unless they have a YB fitted, obvs.

Now all we have is the distant memory of that time our Dad hired one for our summer holiday to Newquay in 1992. And A Touch of Frost repeats on Gold.

The Citroen Saxo…

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The Saxo was like a little French plague in the ’90s. It was everywhere. Look out of your window? Saxo. Hunting for the bleach in your kitchen cupboards? Saxo. Lost in the bleak wilderness? Saxo. Everywhere. That’s where they were. But given they cost about twelve pence AND came with a year’s free insurance, it’s hardly surprising.

Now though, the Saxo is very much past tense. Most just died of their own accord. Those that didn’t were inevitably covered in glue by spotty teenagers before being driven through the Ripspeed isle at Halfords. And then into a ditch.

The Vauxhall Astramax…

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If you were to strap the Space Shuttle to a cat that had just heard a balloon pop, it still wouldn’t be as fast as an Astramax. It might have had all dat ass, but the Astramax could shift. 0-60 in half a second, with a top speed speed of a millionty, the Astramax used to be the weapon of choice for brick-wranglers and 24hr plumbers up and down the country.

Sadly though, they were made from ’80s steel, which meant they had about as much resistance to the elements as a roll of Andrex. So they all rusted away. The odd one survived, normally sporting a GTE front bumper. But soon they were all gone. Builders and plumbers alike mourned.

The Nissan Primera…

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The Primera was the thinking man’s Sunny. Which is a bit like saying George is the thinking man’s Cotton Traders. But whatever. It was a good car. Okay, it was an adequate car. Unless, of course, you got one in GT flavour. Then it was a riot. The 2.0 engine was a peach and could take a proper lump of abuse. The car itself was practical and understated. It was just a decent, honest car. Then Nissan made it look like a car with it’s face pulled back and we all stopped buying it.

Well, apart from minicab drivers. They still drove it. Drove it to the very ends of the planet, so they did. And the trusty Primera never let them down.

The Fiat Uno…

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Ahh the Uno. A car made from metal so thin you could read through it. And designed with nothing but a pencil and a straight edge. The Uno was MAXIMUM ’80s. It was also moderate ’90s, given it survived until ’95ish. But whatever.

The Uno was a car so devoid of style owners regularly forgot that they did indeed own one. There’s even a report of a man buying an Uno 1.0 in 1989, going home, forgetting about it, then going out and buying an Escort. Seriously. It happened. *cough*. It was bland, it was boring but it served many people well for a long while. Until we completely forgot about it, of course. NEXT!

The Vauxhall Calibra…

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Well hello there beautiful. The Calibra was Vauxhall’s poster-child of the ’90s. It was long, it was low, it was sleek. It was the most aerodynamic production car in the world, with a drag coefficient (Cd) of 0.26. It was also nothing more than a Cavalier in drag, but we didn’t care. We god all wibbly for those thin headlights and our collars got hot at the mere mention of its frame-less doors. It was a babe.

Even with the humble 2.0 8-valve engine it was a gem, but with a V6 and even a 2.0 turbo in the mix with an all-wheel-drive chassis, the Calibra really had something to shout about. Sadly, it was boy-racer’d to death. That and it rusted for fun. Shame.

The Proton Aeroback…

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Yeah, okay, so we’re a bit biased here, what with the one above being ours. But honestly, back in the day the boxy-Proton used to be everywhere. Driven by people called Mildred or Geoff, the Proton Aeroback was a sensible car for people who wanted to live life nowhere near the edge. A Mitsubishi in all but name, it was a fantastically reliable beast. It also came with factory fitted hard boiled sweets and a bright orange disabled badge.

It was such a ‘nothing’ car that it simply didn’t survive time’s relentless march on. Around 250 Proton’s were chopped in as part of the 2009 scrappage scheme. Probably for Hyundai i10s. Another car we’re destined to forget.

The Nissan Terrano…

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It was bloody awful. We’re glad it’s gone.

In fact, we’re sorry we’ve just reminded you it ever existed. MOVING ON!

The Toyota Carina E…

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Despite appearances, the Toyota Carina E (not from Yorkshire, mind) was an exciting, dynamic car. Well actually that’s a lie, but it was in BTCC battling it out with the Primera back up the page. And any car with BTCC heritage should be remembered forever, right? Or, um, not.

The Carina E was a fine car. It sold in massive numbers, it never broke down, it never faltered. From a technical standpoint, the Carina E was Toyota’s Swiss watch. But unlike a Swiss watch, the Carina E was completely incapable capturing your attention. So we quickly forgot about it.

The Mazda 323…

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A family car with pop-up headlights? Hell to the yizzle. The Mazda 323 was the perfect antidote to the dull Astras and Escorts of the time. The 323 dared to be different, to think outside the box, to be bold. But in doing so, it fell flat on its pop-up-headlit face. Y’see, it was a just a bit too ‘out there’ for us.

Shame, because as a car it was a brilliant bit of kit. Spacious, loaded with kit, immensely practical and economical. Despite all that, we shunned it for the Astra.

The Volkswagen Bora…

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For some inexplicable reason, Volkswagen has always built a three-box Golf. Presumably it does quite well in countries too stupid to understand the merits of a hatchback, like America. We don’t know. We suspect the real reason is so that trendy people called Zack can pull the front off and then bolt it to a Golf. This makes them SCENE AS F**K. Whatever that means?

The Bora (stupid name) was no exception to the rule. It was a Golf, but with none of the practicality. The front end could be grafted onto a Golf though, which was good for Zack. Though he then proceeded to tell everyone he drove a Bolf. The dick.

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