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TV show business model ‘unsustainable’…

It was always going to become an issue.

Hit motoring TV show, Wheeler Dealers has reportedly run into trouble after it dawned on producers that the business model on which it is based is absolute nonsense.

The show, which has been running since the days Channel 4 had an interest in cars before becoming the Jamie Oliver channel, works on the basis of buying an old car, fixing it up a bit, then selling it for a profit. This in and of itself is fine, and it is the model on which many people called Darren and Gary have been making a living for years. However, the producers have failed to factor in labour, workshop costs and other associated costs.

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When approached at a recent jellied eel conference, long-term host and self-proclaimed wheeler dealer, Mike Brewer, offered comment, saying “Owwwd ahhht yer ahhhnd” and “ta-la” whilst waving. However, we’re not sure what any of that means.

Previous ‘blink and you miss him’ associate of Edd China, Paul, has further stoked the fires of the rumour mill by going on record saying he was paid for his time on Wheeler Dealers with Pot Noodles. Beef and Tomato for a normal episode, though if he was required to drive his yellow Sprinter van, he was rewarded with a Bombay Bad Boy.

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Further evidence of poor budget management and a failure to understand the mechanics (pun intended) of running a garage came to light in Edd China’s recent autobiography, Fixing Cars I’m Too Tall to Drive. In it, Edd revealed that his feet were never shown on TV because he was always chained to the two-post ramp in the workshop. He goes on to say that for over a decade, he survived on a diet of Paul’s left over Pot Noodles and prevented the onset of insanity by drawing the faces of loved ones on inflated orange gloves.

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Wheeler Dealers, presumably in a bid to avoid slavery laws or something, has moved to America to further expand the gap between Brewer and the people trying to understand anything he says. Edd China has left the show and is now pursuing opportunities to be tall elsewhere.

Now in its seventy-fourth season, the show features the talents of Ant ‘annoyingly handsome’ Anstead, who, despite the best efforts of business experts and financial advisers, is currently doing a complete chassis swap on a Scania with a projected labour cost of zero.

At the time of writing we are unaware of any Pot Noodle-based deals.

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