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Have you read this little lot?

• Road beige – My Cortina 2.0GL estate
  Beige fighter. Beige against the machine. Road beige, and other names Ben Morley threw at it.
• Ultimate Failing Machine – My BMW E28
  It was £300, so what the hell was I expecting?
• A different kind of family car…
  Live life in the long lane, not that that's a thing. Just buy a limousine is what we're saying.
• Scumbags. That’s what we’re dealing with here.
  Thieves. What an utter bunch of absolute bastards.
• The Subaru Forester…
  Go off road, but not too far. The Subaru Forester isn't a Range Rover you know.