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Five unforgivable modifications…

Want to modify your ride? That’s fine, as long as these ‘mods’ aren’t on your list

We love a bit a car modification here at Not 2 Grand. And why wouldn’t we? It’s all about personalising your car, making it your own and as such, standing out from the crowd. And that’s just fine and dandy.

However, the church of modification is broad, and within its darkest corners reside the mods you should never, ever apply to your car. There are many, many modification that fall within this category. Brought about by cheap eBay deals and Halfords sales. And each one is more garish than the last. That said, we’ve rounded up the five that really make our teeth itch.

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‘M’ badges on non-M Sport models…

People get a bit confused with this one. “Huehuehue, look at that twonk in his 3 Series with ‘M’ badges” some might say. Well here’s the thing, M Sport is a trim level, so you don’t need to have an M3/4/5/6 or whatever in order to have them on your car. You do, however, need your car to be an M Sport model. So, Dave, with your 1998 318i SE, no, the M3 emblem affixed at a dubious angle on your boot is not okay.

If you do this, you’re only doing it to appeal to those of us who know what an M3/4/5/6 is in the first place. You want a knowing nod or some pub car park kudos. But here’s the thing, Dave, we know what an M3/4/5/6 is, and you’re 318i SE isn’t one. So we’re going to laugh at you. You berk.

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Alloys for the sake of alloys…

Spotted some cheap wheels on Gumtree, have you? There’s a reason they’re cheap. Well, two, actually. Firstly, they’re for sale on Gumtree, so they’re almost certainly stolen. Also, they’re cheap because they’re bloody awful. Honestly, for every set of £5,000 split-rim trouser-arousers, there are sets upon sets of cheap, nasty, curbed, bent, poorly designs, generally awful alloys.

Look, we know you want alloys, but save up. Don’t buy a cheap set. And while you are saving, get your factory alloys refurbished or repainted. Wheels make a car, and the manufacturer spend millions in the pursuit of wheely perfection. Keep the wheels you have looking smart and your car will look so much better than it would if you bolted on some Gumtree ‘bargains’.

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Car eyelashes…

No. Go and have a word with yourself.

McRae stickers…

Colin McRae was an okay rally driver. There were others before him that were better, and there have been others since who have pedalled a car faster. What old Col was, was a marketing goldmine. Colin McCrash, as some called him, was more famous for hitting things than driving past them very quickly. He brought people into the sport, people who might not have had much of an interest prior. And that was a good thing.

What’s not a good thing is showing off in a helicopter. His nonsense mantra of “if in doubt, flat out” didn’t do him any favours while he was showing off, flying far too low in a helicopter he wasn’t licensed to fly in the first place. Instead, it put him into a fiery crash that killed him, his friend, his five-year old son, and his son’s six-year old friend. And you want to celebrate that by putting a sticker on your car?

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Aftermarket daytime running lights…

Don’t those shiny new Audis and BMWs look great with those LED daytime running lights? Hell, even a new Kia Picanto has a new edge of cool thanks to these illuminating wonders. So quite rightly, you want a slice of that action for your 2002 Vauxhall Astra, right? And look, you can buy LED DRLs on eBay for about 19p. What’s stopping you?

Common sense, hopefully. Yes, DRLs are a legal requirement these days, but there’s no government mandate for you to conform. So just leave it. Cheap DRLs do nothing of use other than drain your battery or possibly set your car on fire. They look horrid. You’ll inevitably point them in such a way that you dazzle other drivers or commercial airline pilots and at some point one will come unstuck and dangle from your car like a clagnut out of the back of a Jack Russell. Seriously, just put your sidelights on or something.

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