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We’ve come a long way, baby.

Smashing stuff – some 1980s crash tests for your viewing pleasure.

There’s a morbid fascination when it comes to crash tests. It’s genuinely interesting to see how cars perform when they’re stuffed into a wall at 30mph. Plus, we kind of just like destruction. It’s part of the human condition.

Smash junkies EuroNCAP have been doing it for decades. Before they came along, it was down to manufacturers to crash test their own vehicles.

As this video – complete with the most boring voiceover man in the world – goes to show, modern cars have come a long way. Some of these ’80s cars fold like tinfoil, while others like the BMW E34 hold up relatively well. It definitely goes without saying that the non-abundance of old Fiat Cromas on today’s roads is probably a good thing.

Then of course, you’ve got the other tests that have been done. For example, there’s the time the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety decided to throw a beautiful 1959 Impala into it’s modern counterpart. It’s a painful watch, just because that ’59 looked lovely. But, it’s a fine example of how tough modern cars are. It’s also a fine example of why you should use a professional for any dental concerns, not a 1950s steering column.

Down in Australia, where women glow and men chunder, ANCAP (Australian New Car Assessment Program) did a similar test, this time with a 1980s Toyota Corolla and a modern Toyota Auris. No tears are shed for this boring twosome, though again, the difference in damage is amazing. Just remember, the Corolla was billed as a safe car. Not any more, evidently.

Finally, there’s the time TV car pervert, Jonny Smith, threw a Mini at a Lexus. We don’t care much for the latter, but that little red Mini looked lovely. Though it was an automatic, so it loses points there. We asked Jonny if it was as nice as it looked. Apparently it was. It cost the production crew £1,000 and the lady owner adored it. Poor thing.

Interestingly though, the Mini held up quite well from a metal-on-metal point of view. but with no airbags and no real crumple zone to speak of, the driver would be in a bad way, if not dead. So, um, don’t crash a Mini.

So what’s the point of this post? Well, we guess we’re trying to say that safety is important. When you’re buying a car it’s something you should consider. You might be confident in your abilities as a driver, but that won’t stop John McTextndrive from slamming into you. As such, where we can, we’ll tell how safe a car is. We like you and your face. We’d hate to see it smushed into a steering wheel.

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